What to Do If His Parents Don’t Like You

When we commit to our significant other, we have to understand that we are committing to them and the package they bring with them. A partner’s family members are an essential part of a dedicated, long-lasting relationship in most instances. And while we have the option of choosing our significant other, we do not have the option of choosing our blood relatives. So what do you do if his parents don’t like you?

Developing a genuine relationship with your significant other’s family can sometimes be challenging for all those involved. Everyone is involved in adapting to a meaningful life change: parents attempt to adjust to a new relationship paradigm with their son while still seeking to develop a relationship with you—their son’s partner.

Getting your boyfriend’s parents’ approval is crucial in any relationship, but that’s especially true if you see a future together. On the other hand, meeting them does not always go as planned, and they can form the wrong impression of you. And the worst thing is that even if you don’t want it, his parents usually have a say in his relationships. If his parents don’t like you, it can be uncomfortable at family gatherings and even cause you and your significant other problems.

So, how do you make things better between you and your lover’s parents? We have a few tips for you.

10 Tips You Can Follow If His Parents Don’t Like You

1. Keep Your Cool 

It may feel like the end of a relationship because your boyfriend certainly respects his parents’ opinion. But it isn’t always the kiss of death. The first step is to take a deep breath and keep your cool. 

Don’t vent your frustrations to your partner, and don’t give up if you don’t want your relationship to fall apart. If you need to express yourself, call a friend to help you vent the bad energy. If you add that into your relationship, it will strain it even more, and things can spiral out of control. Understand that it can take some time to process that their son is dating a trans woman or ladyboy, so it would be better to give them a little space.

Having a negative perspective will taint your outlook and keep you from going forward in your relationship. Whatever you do, don’t say something derogatory about them or whine to your partner.

2. Show Them How Much You Care For Him

Every parent wishes the best for his or her children. They will not stand for it if they believe you’re someone who might hurt their son. You must assure them through your words and actions that your intentions are genuine and that you aren’t using him to break up with him and leave him heartbroken.

If your partner’s parents see how much you both care about each other, they are more likely to open up to you and see what he sees in you.

3. Politely Engage With Them

Make sure you’re looking them in the eyes, paying attention to what they’re saying, and participating in the conversation. Instead of acting uninterested, distant, and uptight, try to bond over mutual interests. Yes, even if you know that they don’t like you. 

When you put up a barrier and they can’t relate to you in any aspect, it’s unlikely for them to connect with you. Try to be compassionate and consider where they’re coming from, even though it’s hard. Placing yourself in other people’s shoes is a great way to learn about their perspectives and connect with them on a profound level.

4. Don’t Pretend to Be Someone You’re Not

Nobody loves a kissass. Your partner’s parents would not be able to relate to you if they believe you’re deceitful. They want to see the real you, not just the one you show to get on their positive side. Again, your safest choice is to learn to connect and reach a common understanding. It’s tempting to keep your distance and avoid them like the plague at all costs because they terrify you. But the more you share moments, the more you’ll be able to demonstrate not just how committed you are but also how much you care for and respect their opinion.

Respect for others goes a long way. Respectfully defend yourself if you believe they are making negative remarks or insults at you. Be mature with how you treat yourself and be aware of your boundaries.

5. Open Up to Your Significant Other

Communication is said to be the key to every relationship, and we believe this to be true. By opening up to your boyfriend, you can express how meaningful your relationship with him is to you and how valuable your relationship with his parents is as well. He may be able to give you some advice and insight about how to approach them. He can also show you all about their preferences and dislikes so you can be better prepared for the next time you meet with his parents.

Recommended reading: 10 Tips For Dating An Older Man

6. Take It Easy On The PDA

Watching your friends showing off cuddles and kisses isn’t something you like to see, so imagine how your significant other’s parents would feel seeing you do the same with their son. You should express your love and affection for their son, but not to the point of being overbearing. Keep those kisses to yourself and the touching to a minimum level. He’ll admire the effort you’re putting in and the fact that you’re not making him feel uncomfortable in front of his parents.

7. Talk to His Parents Respectfully

If you can, have an open and respectful conversation with your partner’s parents about why they don’t like you. Instead of being defensive or argumentative, politely explain your reasons for believing they don’t support the idea of you and clarify as to why. If you try to stay polite and respectful throughout the exchange, you may get the answers you’re seeking.

You can start the discussion by saying something like, “I might be way off track, but it seems to me that you don’t like the idea of me dating your son. I truly love your son, and it would be nice to have a good relationship with you, too. We may be able to work out a way to get along if you let me know what I’ve done to make you feel bad.” 

There’s a chance that you may not like their answer, so buckle up for whatever they have to say. Whether good or bad, still try to be polite and appreciate them for their time.

Most parents are still trapped in the traditional dating paradigm and may find it difficult to comprehend their son’s relationship with a transwoman. The best you can do is reassure them that your love is genuine and that you have no ill will against anyone.

8. Establish Boundaries With Them

Come up with boundaries that you and your partner are both happy with. When it comes to being around your partner’s parents, these boundaries can include time and place. If his parents don’t like you, it’s understandable that you don’t want to be around them all of the time, and establishing boundaries will help you avoid huge disagreements from occurring. When setting the boundaries, be gentle, but make it clear to the parents that you will not be intimidated.

For example, if you and your partner always have dates on Sundays but his parents insist on having dinner with you at their place, let them know politely that you are unavailable, but thank them for the invite and suggest an alternative. Giving in only once may give them the idea that you are willing to compromise, and they may try to impose on your time again.

9. Remain Polite and Respectful

When dealing with your partner’s family, be the better person and remain polite and respectful. Don’t treat them the same way they treat you, as this would only make things worse. Instead, remain courteous, and your maturity will aid in the improvement of the relationship.

Maintaining a friendly demeanor likewise applies to how you talk to your partner about their parents. And if your partner has negative feelings about them, don’t say anything negative about them to your partner. Your partner is unlikely to accept you speaking ill of them, and it could also lead to problems in your relationship.

10. Learn Their Love Language

Learning the five love languages and using them to create a bond is a great way to get someone to warm up to you, particularly if your partner’s parents don’t like you. Ask your partner and find out their love languages. Do they enjoy presents? Would they love it more if you offered to help them with some chores at home or any garden work now and then? Giving to them in a way that they can value will make them feel comfortable about you and strengthen your bond.

Conclusion

Your partner’s parents will eventually notice your incredible qualities. Just because his parents don’t like you now doesn’t mean they won’t like you forever. Simply take a deep breath, smile, be patient, and appreciate the time you have together! Apply the tips you’ve learned here and watch your relationship with his parents improve over time.